CHRIST LOVE FAMILY

18

The Price For My Joy

2 Corinthians 5:17: Therefore if any man be in Christ, He is a new creature: Old things have passed away and behold, all things have become new.

My name is Betty Santos, I am 37 years old. I thank the Almighty God for keeping me alive to tell you my true life story.

I was born in Georgeville Village in Belize, Central America. I am the fourth of fourteen children from both parents. My mom was five months pregnant with me when my father migrated to the United States. My mom, becoming a single parent with four children and wanting a better life for us, decided to leave me along with my other siblings in the care of our paternal grandparents.

Life with my grandparents is a memorable experience, I often reminisce on those glorious days. My grandfather despite having one hand, toiled hard on his farms to provide for us, never one day did we go hungry. My grandmother on the other hand would remain at home taking care of her multiple grandchildren, something she enjoyed and loved doing. I was my grandmother’s prize and joy; I can recall intense arguments among my grandmother and my aunts over me. My aunts would say: “Remember Ma, Betty is not your only grandchild”. I was a saint in the eyes of my grandmother “My Mama” as we used to call her.

My Mama instilled moral value in me. I grew up in the Anglican faith. I cannot recall her going to church, but attending church was her number one priority for her grandchildren. Living in a small community where there was no recreation especially for children; therefore, we looked forward for Sundays to get out of the house. In our home there were set rules and guidelines especially when it came to serving God. Every morning we had to repeat Psalm 23 “The Lord is my Shepherd” in My Mama’s presence. I can recall at the tender age of five years repeating the entire Psalm and getting a sweet as my reward.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

My grandmother loved me unconditionally; but even with all her love, on the inside I was burning up with a sense of emptiness. It’s like a puzzle game, as you get to the last piece and you realize you can’t find it; that was how I felt.  I was living my life with a piece missing and it was eating me alive every single day, but nobody knew. That missing piece was my mother’s presence, love and affection. Finally, when I was about six years old, my dream came true and I got the opportunity to spend the summer vacation with my mom in Belize. However, my dream was short-lived.  My mom had already had four additional children and was a single parent again, and was therefore unable to give me the love and attention I was so desperately seeking from her. I was disappointed and felt lost, abandoned and confused.  I was happy to go back to my grandmother when summer ended.

Isaiah 49:15 Can a woman forget her nursing child even these may forget, but I will not forget you.

As my grandparents grew older and feebler they couldn’t care for me anymore, and at 10 years old, I was sent to live with my mother.  Instantly, my world came crashing down and I began to miss my grandparents.  My mother struggled to make ends meet and provide for us. We later moved to Ladyville village in a shack that my sixteen year old brother built.  We lived in poverty and constant discomfort. I recall our daily meals were the waste food from the British Forces dumpsite we use to call “jungle”. The one bed room house was too small for seven children; my bed was the floor, yes the floor. It was hard and uneven I would wake up with aches and pains. Whenever it rained we would get wet because the roof was not properly built.  I struggled to fit in and felt as if I didn’t belong.  I felt that my mom did not show me the love and affection she did the others, and I resented her for it. Every day was getting harder for me to live with her, but I had a little ray of hope that maybe one day the Lord would remember me, and bless me with the strength to make it. 

Psalm 106:4 Remember me, LORD, when you show favor to your people; come near and rescue me.

My mom didn’t go to church and did not pressure us to go, so I attended when I wanted to. I became active in Victory Assembly of God church in Ladyville; I found solace in the church as it became a means for me to escape the pain and be in the company of people who loved and cared for me. I was a good girl who did all the right things and followed God to the best of my ability. I believed in God but I did not really know Him, His nature, His love or His power.

1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

I attended Ladyville Roman Catholic School;   I sat the PSE exam and thankfully I passed. I was feeling very happy and proud of my accomplishment and was anxious to give my mom the good news but my heart was shattered into pieces when my mom told me that she could not afford to send me to high school. I knew that this meant that I would have to find a job.  I shouted out to God for help, I was so confused. I was determined to attend high school and nothing would stop me. I spent time in deep prayer, and then set out feeling armed by God in searched for a high school to attend.  I can remember passing Pallotti high school but I didn’t stop there. In my mind the school was too big and I figure the fees would be high. I walked further down and found Nazarene High School; I smiled, this was the school! It was smaller and I knew the fees would be smaller too. With the assistance of a friend’s mother, who was there at the time, I was instantly accepted. The principal’s only concern was if I would be able to meet the fees. I can recall saying to him “GOD will provide”.  And God did provide for me.

Proverbs 3:5-6 In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success.

While I was in fourth form, my mom left home and I had to take on the role of mother to my siblings, even as I worked hard to do well in school. It was a time of great struggle and suffering for me, I had numerous nightmares. I continued to be successful in school despite of my hardship. I always envied the popular kids in my class, and felt disconnected and different from them, I just couldn’t fit in. Many days my lunch was my book, I would sit on the step at the back of the school reading or studying because I didn’t have money to buy lunch. I graduated the salutatorian of my class: “what an honor!” But I could not take pleasure in the magnitude of my accomplishment because I had little hope in my heart about my future.  My dreams went beyond high school and I felt that my chances of further education were nil.   Immediately after graduation I got a job. Thanks to God, my life was taking a turn and starting to look good. 

Psalm 53:2
God looks down from heaven upon the children of men, To see if there are any who understand, who seek God.

In 1990, I met the man who would become my husband and thought that now I’ve found love. Everything was working according to my plan, and I felt I no longer needed God’s help.  I quickly forgot that it was He who had brought me to this point. I gave up church, and put my energies into arranging my future with my partner and new home.  But my happiness was just temporary; it wasn’t long before I started to feel unloved by my husband.  It seemed that life was all about his wants and needs, and I unsuccessfully tried all I could to support him. We grew apart within two years. We were existing but not living.  Through all the lying and cheating, I still loved him; my heart belonged to only him and I tried to withstand all the emotional and mental pain I was experiencing. Eventually I couldn’t endure the silent suffering anymore and I started to detest him, while at the same time questioning my own self.  I became afraid to love, and isolated myself, even from friends.  I just kept to myself and didn’t open my heart to anyone. I lived a life filled with loneliness and tears.

Psalm 6:6-7 I am worn out with grief every night, my bed is damp, my pillow soaked with tears, I can hardly see. My eyes are swollen from weeping…

In 1993 I decided that it was time to have a baby. I wanted someone to call my own and love.  The relationship was still rocky, but I was prepared to be a single parent if necessary.  I was tired of being alone. After two years of trying, God blessed me with a beautiful baby girl, Shaniqua. She is my world, we are inseparable. This bundle of joy brought unity, calm and peace in our home for only a short period. It wasn’t long before my husband started on his destructive path again with his friends. Around this time I started to hear the call of Jesus again, but I was too taken up to devote time to him. I had so much to accomplish and my problems just tumbled about me. I didn’t even have time to pray.  

Colossians 4:2 Devote yourselves to prayer; be watchful and thankful.

Shortly afterwards, my mom was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Due to complications from the disease, her two feet were later amputated and she started to lose her vision. She needed my assistance but I had an unforgiving heart towards her, I could not forget my sufferings caused by her neglect, I really battled with the bitterness I had held in my heart for so long. Never-the-less I had to care for her. I opened my heart and home to her realizing that God had a plan for bringing us together. I slowly started to see good things in my mom and grew to admire the strength she displayed, despite her illness. My mom and I reconciled with each other and she became my role model and my best friend. Finally, I was her little girl and our love for each grew.

John 13:15 Jesus said, “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you”.

While attending the University of Belize my mother became gravely ill and was hospitalized for immediate surgery. My emotions were raging. I refused to think that she would be anything but ok, especially since we were just starting to bond and love each other. The surgery revealed that she had colon cancer. I stayed at my mom’s side while she was in the hospital; she only wanted to see me, her little daughter. Five days after her surgery, I left her bedside to get some rest.  During my absence my mom passed. Her death took a toll on my life. I mourned her deeply and became angry with God. How could he take my mom away from me?

Psalm 88:12 Is your love proclaimed in the grave, your fidelity in the tomb?

Even though I believe that she knew I loved her, I never got the opportunity to say, “I love you” or to call her “mom” and now she is gone. I sunk into depression, which affected even my precious little girl. I got gravely ill and had to be flown to Merida. Tests revealed that I had had two aneurysms and immediate brain surgery was necessary or I would eventually elapse into a coma and die.

It was then that I turned to God; I prayed liked I had never prayed before. I found myself in a corner with no way out! Now I find the time to pray. Accompanying me was some family members who were Christians.  Having them around me made a lot of difference, we all prayed, laughed and cried together. I also had my quiet time with God. He had been talking to me all along but I wasn’t listening.  I was too busy to hear His call and surrender to His plans.

I was wheeled into surgery one day before the one-year anniversary of my mother’s death. I could see the distraught look on the faces of my relatives, but I was at peace, I was so relaxed going into surgery. The entire time I was praying, I asked God to come into my life and forgive me of all my sins, cleanse my soul and make me pure.

Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

I said God; if I should die today I want to die with you in my heart. God please take care of my only child and let your will be done.” Immediately I felt as if my spirit left my body and place itself at the foot of an image of Jesus, which was hanging on the wall. I can recall looking up on the image and begging God for his mercy and forgiveness.  I literally saw the image of Jesus smiling reassuringly back at me. I knew at that moment that I would be ok.  In my heart I heard Him telling me “I have you covered with my blood.”

According to the doctors my chance of survival or a complete recovery was nil. I know that God breathe his own breath back into me because he has a purpose for my life. My healing remains a living testament of the miraculous works of Jesus Christ. 

Romans 8:11 “ If the one who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, the one who raised Jesus Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also, through his spirit that dwells in you”.

This amazing experience helped me to realize that I needed to build a relationship with God and change many things in my life; most importantly to seek forgiveness and discover true love for God, myself and others.  I was burden down with sorrows and pain, wanting to face the world on my own. Now I am able to recognize when the Enemy threatens and draw on God’s grace to keep me safe.

 I then got an invitation to attend the St. Martin’s Christ Renewed his parish retreat. I was hesitant at first to attend the retreat; then I realized that God was speaking to my stubborn heart and I had to obey.

Psalm 95:7  If today you hear His voice, harden not your hearts.

Attending the retreat has a lasting effect on my life. I am now able to replaced bitterness, wrath and anger with kindness, tenderness and forgiveness. My faith in God and my commitment to serving him has increase tremendously. This has strengthened me to live a life of victory over temptations. I am now aware of the presence of Christ and the filling of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 40:2 “ the Lord lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire, He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.”

 I am learning God’s word, which is a compass to guide me through life.  This time I will allow Him to lead and will not try to do it on my own. God continues to reveal wonders in my life.  He has given me new spiritual eyes as I was blessed with the gift of giving.  Jesus is real for me, life is not about me anymore it’s about serving God and serving others. Jesus instructed me to lay down my life for the sheep if I want to be a good shepherd and I have to obey. The relationship I have with Jesus led me to sharing with those with whom I come in contact with. I live a happier and more harmonious life, free from constant tension and strain and free from fear and anxiety because I know that God is in control. I am aware of my true inner being and expanding, my consciousness of God and Life. This enables me to handle emotions with honesty and maturity. 

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you declare the lord, Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give hope and a future.”

  My life is transformed; I am a new person in Christ who strengthens me. When I look at people who have done me wrong, I now find my bitterness and resentment heart being transformed into loving compassion.  In the darkness of my earlier life, where everything was unknown, I had faced the power of sin on my own but now I have Jesus Christ. My relationship with God helped me to speak the truth, I don’t allow my emotions to lead to sin and I try to give more of myself. He has healed my body and now I cannot help but testify that Jesus is Lord and forever and ever He reigns. 

13

I DO NOT WANT TO DIE

I know death is the debt everyone must pay one day but I was not expecting it to knock at my door soon. Though he is always the unexpected visitor but when you know the number of days left for you to spend with the people who you love is another scenario.  I also know that every man dies with his plan but I still have so much to accomplish.

Different thoughts went through me as I was returning from the hospital.  The doctor just told me that the prostate cancer is spreading fast in my body and that there is little they can really do for me right now.  What is more frustrating than when you see the physicians, the professionals and the experts given up on you? It was a pronouncement of death.  As I tried to stand up I fell back on the chair.  I spent twenty minutes there asking God “Why me? Why?”

I knew it will be hard for me to break the sad news to my family. “My little kids, how would they take it?”  How would they feel when they know that their dear daddy will be leaving them soon and they will never see him again?  What about my house mortgage who would pay it? That means they are going to throw out my family? What about my business plan with my wife?  And how would she carry the family’s load alone? Will she get married to another man? How would the man handle my kids? “Different thoughts and questions were running through me.  I was so confused.  As I was walking home and talking to myself, the voice in me was soliloquizing “I don’t want to die” Then suddenly I heard a voice from behind saying “Do not say that!” I turned to see where it was coming from, behold it was an old man walking behind me. I then out of curiosity asked him if he was talking to me.  He answered “Yes!” “Change what you are saying to yourself, I do not want to die, to I will not die!” Then I said “Thank you.” It was after a little walk that I began to wonder of how the strange old man knew exactly what I was thinking in my mind. So I turned to ask him but there was no one on the quiet straight street.  I thought I was going mad but I saw him and he spoke to me.

Without hesitation and doubting I concluded that God has answered my prayers and that old man is an Angel of God sent to me.  Then I heard myself saying “I believe it! I will not die! The news I am taking to my family right now is I will not die”

When I got home, my kids ran to me and they were all asking “How come daddy is so happy today?” I replied “it is because I will not die!” My little daughter of eight years then said “Yes! Daddy! You will not die, you will live with us.”

It was a real battle because at interval the devil walks in to say “You have few days to live, remember what the doctor said about the cancer in your body?” I knew that the devil was trying to slow me down so that he could kill me slowly but I refused to listen to him, instead I keep on reciting what the old man told me, “I will not die! I will not die!” Even in my dream I heard myself saying “I will not die! I will not die”.

I do not know who is reading this right now but if God can do it for me, He will do it for you.  My miracle made a team of experience medical doctors to believe on miracles of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Two months after I was clinically condemned, I went back again for a check-up. The doctor could not believe what he saw, he then invited other doctors in to check me over and over. The cancer has disappeared.  No trace of it, thank you God! Thank you Jesus! It is now four years and I am cancer free! I am cancer free!

 REVERSE THE CURSE

God is constantly reminding us that there is power in our tongue. Once we change our thinking then our words will change.  Once our words change then our body system will change. “As a man thinks so he is” Jesus Christ said “Behold I have given you the power and the authority to trample on serpents and on scorpions, power over all principalities and over all powers of darkness and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” (Luke 10:19).

There must be an agreement between your spirit and your body in touching a thing to get it establish.  Your destiny is in the hands of God.  Your time has not come. Confess to your life what you desire.

THIS TRUE LIFE STORY IS TAKEN FROM THE BOOK ” REVERSE THE CURSE” Written by Pastor Paul